In making the songs on my new furore ep (which you can listen to here) I was attempting to give myself permission to do something new. To not worry about whether anyone liked it and to trust my own feelings and opinions about sounds and how they fit together. I also wanted to give myself permission to sing, without any other instruments distracting from my voice.
I don’t feel that I look the way I am supposed to onstage and often when I am playing solo or in bands I feel that I am doing something wrong or that I shouldn’t be there. Even though I’ve been playing in bands for over ten years now I still feel this way.
In furore I am giving myself permission to look and sound the way I do, without any guitar to hide my tummy, no frets to look at. At times I have thought about the lack of instrument giving me the opportunity to be more performative, to move and use my body as an instument. Its something I would like to do, but I am also being very gentle with myself. Above all I beleive in being comfortable on stage. There are so many reasons for us not to feel comfortable on stage and some people use that and react against it, moving themselves and thats great. But it is also great to be very still and do what you feel able to do on stage. Just the process of being there and making music is a performance. So I am giving myself permission to do what feels ok which at the moment is standing still with my eyes closed.
I hope that these permissions help me to make music and live performances that make other people feel that they can allow themsleves on stage, in whatever way they feel comfortable. If you are afraid that is ok because it is scary to make music you care about in front of other people. I think a lot of performers don’t really know what they are going to do or feel on stage until they get there. So many messages we receive tell us that we are not good enough to be on stage, to make music, to express what we are thinking. But we are good enough.